Resilient is a key essential tool to have when battling the elements of the internal war within our mindsets..
In terms of mental health the first battle is you. What has lead you here perhaps under lining psychological difficulties not yet diagnosed, a traumatic experience past or present , Stresses of life family work ,money, children, relationship, sexuality, low self esteem.
Whatever the circumstance the key personally for me is be resilient (withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions mind or body ) being resilient in my life means I got the help i needed by making the hardest call by asking for help rather than waiting, hoping for others to help. If they can't hear you or see the problem how can they help..
Three years ago my head was at boiling point from the thoughts boiling away in my mind! replaying thoughts after thoughts from the whats ifs in life to the whys of my past while trying to deal with the loss of my mam who was only 52 when she had died suddenly. 3 years ago I forced myself out of my bed. I knew I couldn't do this again to myself or my family. I knew some how, I had to made a appointment with my GP as this emotional tide was really starting to turn in my mind. Time wasn't on my side that morning. Do I resist this emotional current that is coming my way ! or do I allow myself to be washed away out to sea and lose myself! and let my family deal with the emotion and physical devastation of me not being here! or do I stand and fight this. My mind visually switches to me watching my wife, kids lower me (no coffin) just me down to into a shallow grave to be buried! just watching their faces is emotionally hard hitting..
I dig deep into my state of mind. I fight hard internally its a reminder of the blind battle we face on a daily bases. This can be the hardest " you Vs you" once you learn to be resilient within yourself the battles will become easier to overcome.
I resist and find myself sat in front of my GP. I take a deep breath " tell the truth or Lie again ? " I breath out and start to tell him about the internal battle manifesting in my head . He blows out, his shoulders shrugs,
You have been here before! you know your numbing your pain with alcohol which is one of the main factors of your despair. Your struggling with been a full time parent while working evenings, weekend, tagging in your wife while feeling guilty in doing so. Your trying to deal with grief, trying to fill the gap left by your mother as you feel as the oldest son you have to help others emotionally temporally forgetting about yourself while dealing with other past traumas which has left you scarred with low self esteem issues all the while pretending to be fine to the outside world ! What do you want me to do! I shouted out (you need to hear these words outside of your head rather than hidden inside! where its hurting the most) what do you want me to do? again i shout out.
I want fucking help but I feel so lost in my head ! .
Stop! my GP says Just slow down a minute give me positives ?
Slow your mind down breath first ..
OK
I start to slow down my racing thoughts
Ok
I've a loving wife and kids ,family
I've a roof over my head.
I work , I drive , I'm able body
That was easy he said ? with tears in my eyes i said yes i want help. He replies
First things first alcohol has to go! then we can work back to deal with the under lining issues .
I make the call to the treatment center in front of my GP they tell me to call in for a screening.
as i leave GP says its up to you now. you have hit rock bottom here. you have two choices now . Make the right one for you and your family..
I shake his hand and leave his office with head heavy from the release of emotion. My emotional pain starts looking to be numbed (Alcohol anything at this stage) I walk out onto the street the sun glares into my watery eyes. I put my head down thoughts racing, I look at my phone in my hand. Fuck it just ring my wife just say its fine he gave me a few mood enhancers "will i, wont i " Thoughts gathering as i pass the pub ! I open the door and look up the stairs. I'm here at the treatment center Liam is at the top. you want this?
I head up towards my light at the end of tunnel from there I start my treatment and in turn I followed it up with grieving counseling followed by cognitive behavioral therapy & mindfulness letting go of a past i cannot change while in treatment I needed 5mg lexapro while learning to be resilient 3 years later I'm still learning healing from the emotional scar tissue that had build up but now mentally stronger to deal with the day to day stresses. I am now comfortable with the person in front of the mirror not afraid of myself anymore " I am who I am :) " In a time when mental health is starting to change for the better always remember the first battle is yourself get yourself out the bed in morning get resilient in doing so for some it can be the hardest battle. You have to want it don't wait for your rock bottom to take you down break free and get the help you and your love ones deserves..
Click on my links (Side Bar) and start getting resilient and the help you deserve..
Mental health ireland
Mental-health-first-aid-training-is-being-offered-for-the-first-time-in-ireland.
How to change mindset from negative to positive
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