BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT LINE 2020

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Mother's day and grief.

Mother's day and Grief 

I'm sitting on my couch watching All Round To Mrs Browns great show for a laugh.

 All the mammys are on including Andy murray's mam Judy (57) who is chatting having a bit of banter during the show then Mrs Brown brings out Judy's Mam. She is full zest for her age and seems to be having a great time on show. 

This is a classic emotional trigger for me. I start welling up as my subconscious lights up with emotions. The void arrives! thoughts bring me back to a time before my mom had died aged 52.     My wife distracts my thoughts for a few moments sharing what she has planned for mother's day 

with her own mam tomorrow. 

I just smile as life all around us has to go on. Grief is a very hard emotion to explain.You have to go through grief to feel the emotions and pain of losing a person very close to you.The physically loss within grief is the hardest( Not be able to hug,hear,speak interact) imo this causes the greatest emotional pain. Its took me years of learning to be with your emotional pain and learning to cope with the loss of a person who played a major role in my life.

My thoughts switch and focus back to my wife, enjoy your day tomorrow I replied our eldest comes down the stairs and says night mom and dad can't wait for tomorrow  then I hear the patter of little feet running down the stairs, our two youngest arrive into sitting room? What are you all doing tomorrow while i'm at work? They shout we (Mam, Nana & Us) are going to the cinema and then lunch. Then up to say hello to Nana in the graveyard. A tear rolls down my cheek. I've learnt always allow your tears to flow never wipe or stop yourself to shed a tear allow your emotion to flow and accept the emotion that lead you to so. 

I smile right so lads, up to bed say night to mam. Night MAM, Night all she replied.  Just to hear mam being said and to see my wife smile light up the room, brings it all home  

"stay in the moments of life" allow yourself to feel and miss a loved one who are not with us. 

Learn to be with your emotional pain within grief.

Happys Mothers day to all  

Link to Cope-With-Emotional-Pain

Never under estimate the individual power of being #resilient my story ..

Resilient is a key essential tool to have when battling the elements of the internal war within our mindsets..  

In terms of mental health the first battle is you. What has lead you here perhaps under lining psychological difficulties not yet diagnosed, a traumatic experience  past or present , Stresses of life family work ,money, children, relationship, sexuality, low self esteem.

Whatever the circumstance the key personally for me is be resilient  (withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions mind or body ) being resilient in my life means I got the help i needed by making the hardest call by asking for help rather than waiting, hoping for others to help. If they can't hear you or see the problem how can they help..

Three years ago my head was at boiling point from the thoughts boiling away in my mind! replaying thoughts after thoughts from the whats ifs in life to the whys of my past while trying to deal with the loss of my mam who was only 52 when she had died suddenly. 3 years ago I forced myself out of my bed. I knew I couldn't do this again to myself or my family. I knew some how, I had to made a appointment with my GP as this emotional tide was really starting to turn in my mind. Time wasn't on my side that morning. Do I resist this emotional current that is coming my way ! or do I allow myself to be washed away out to sea and lose myself! and  let my family deal with the emotion and physical devastation of me not being here! or do I stand and fight this. My mind visually switches to me watching  my wife, kids lower me (no coffin)  just me down to into a shallow grave to be buried! just watching their faces is emotionally hard hitting..

I dig deep into my state of mind. I  fight hard internally  its a reminder of  the blind battle we face on a daily bases. This can be the hardest " you Vs you" once you learn to be resilient within yourself the battles will become easier to overcome.

I resist and find myself sat in front of my GP. I take a deep breath " tell the truth or Lie again ? " I breath out and start to tell him about the internal battle manifesting in my head . He blows out, his shoulders shrugs,

You have been here before! you know your numbing your pain with alcohol which is one of the main factors of your despair. Your struggling with been a full time parent while working evenings, weekend, tagging in your wife while feeling guilty in doing so. Your trying to deal with grief, trying to fill the gap left by your mother  as you feel as the oldest son you have to help others emotionally temporally forgetting about yourself  while dealing with other past traumas which has left you scarred with low self esteem issues all the while pretending to be fine to the outside world !  What do you want me to do! I shouted out  (you need to hear these words outside of your head rather than hidden inside! where its hurting the most) what do you want me to do?  again i shout out.
I want fucking help but I feel so lost in my head ! .

Stop! my GP says Just slow down a minute give me positives ?
Slow your mind down breath first ..
OK
I  start to slow down my racing thoughts
Ok
I've a loving wife and kids ,family
I've a roof over my head.
I work , I drive , I'm able body

That was easy he said ? with tears in my eyes i said yes i want help. He replies
First things first alcohol has to go! then we can work back to deal with the under lining issues .

I make the call  to the  treatment center in front of my GP they tell me to call in for a screening.
as i leave GP says its up to you now. you have hit rock bottom here. you have two choices now . Make the right one for you and your family..

I shake his hand and leave his office with head heavy from the release of emotion. My emotional pain starts looking to be numbed (Alcohol anything at this stage) I walk out onto the street the sun glares into my watery eyes. I put  my head down thoughts racing, I look at my phone in my hand. Fuck it just ring my wife just say its fine he gave me a few mood enhancers "will i, wont i " Thoughts gathering as i pass the  pub ! I open the door and look up the stairs. I'm here at the treatment center Liam is at the top. you want this?

I head up towards my light at the end of  tunnel from there I start my treatment and in turn I followed it up with grieving counseling followed by cognitive behavioral therapy & mindfulness letting go of a past i cannot change while in treatment I needed 5mg lexapro while learning to be resilient 3 years later I'm still learning healing from the emotional scar tissue that had build up but now mentally stronger to deal with the day to day stresses. I am now comfortable with the person in front of the mirror not afraid of myself anymore " I am who I am :) " In a time when  mental health is starting to change for the better always remember the first battle is yourself get yourself out the bed in morning get resilient in doing so for some it can be the hardest battle. You have to want it don't wait for your rock bottom to take you down break free and get the help you and your love ones deserves..

Click on my links (Side Bar) and start getting resilient and the help you deserve..


Mental health ireland
Mental-health-first-aid-training-is-being-offered-for-the-first-time-in-ireland.
How to change mindset from negative to positive



 

Who'd be a WORKING parent ? in this generation an honest view ..

I find myself asking myself this question  

 As a full time dad of  X3 children under the ages of ten  by day
followed by working evenings/weekends.

In turn 

My wife takes over THE REIGNS evenings /weekends - tag in/out system we operate by.
We could't afford full time  creches nor would we want our children spending 8/9 hours per day, five days  a week in creches, there has to be a balance but sadly not in Ireland. To survive both parents have to work  and both  are left wore out by the weekend with a only a day or two to get to know their own children imo
. 

The MENTAL HEALTH struggles with related anxiety/worry and sometimes hopelessness, myself and my wife face everyday as working parents in this generation in Ireland is staggering.

Our children are our lives  

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything"

George Bernard Shaw

We educated to the state standards , Saved , bought a house, married,  had  children CONSTANTLY putting ourselves under pressure to live in a normal working environment ! where the average wage is 35'000 ?  still waiting but what ! do we get in return as law abiding, state obliging citizens ..  Answers are on the back of TDs postcards...   

Truth is we get VERY Little as you have to fight to get the littlest margins.. 
( Children's allowance )

Everything is taxed from Paye , Usc, Prsi, to the clothes on your back, to the food we eat and drink, to the fuel you use, everything is taxed  and if your income is over a certain threshold  then forget about benefits from your taxes.

You might get your teeth cleaned ? our children may get a few check ups in school #Substandard "I'm trying to stay positive" Public hospitals, waiting lists and services, mental health :(  Schools are free right no - Wait thats right, We pay for books , bags ,uniforms, lunches,contributory fees
AND OUR TAXES PAY FOR THE TEACHERS ...
IF YOU EARN A CRUST YOU MUST PAY PAY PAY . Ahhhhhh 

Where is #Free Education ?

Why be a parent ? it has gone from being a our next generation to a commodity generation.
A commodity 
is a substantially fungible marketable item produced to satisfy in which you really do have to base having children in the bracket of can I afford children.. 

As Charles Darwin said 

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”
Which we must do imo everyday in order to survive both mentally and physically and in doing  so  we teach our children core values of life ..


Time for change is now 

If you are struggling as a parent services tend to help the problem as opposed what has lead you this mental state of mind .. 

If struggling and need useful advice  click on www.parentline.ie

Who offer support, guidance and information on all aspects of being a parent and the reassurance that, whatever the problem, you’re not the first parent to face it. Sometimes, all you could need is a listening ear.

Lets change the cosy 9-5 of mental health in ireland..

Sadly our mental health services is still mainly  a Monday to Friday 09:00am to 17:00  service within Ireland with   The Samaritans  ring 116 123 is still the main reach out contact service which is 24hrs a must in  a time of need.
Also to help are my  Help links on my  blog page .. 

I could go in to a lot of details  but call a spade a spade we already know by now that we have a poorly managed Mental/physical health system. We need to be heard  and more active,  more so this month and  keep been active for the rest of this year 2016 , Start by, signing petitions,  using twitter, facebook , Challenge TDs when they knock on your door this month Feb, 2016, by doing this you are making more and more people aware of the concern and issues surrounding mental health and more to the point that they are not alone facing these concerns and issues..

To the fore front recently is   Niall Breslin is confronting TDs and actively helping to reform our mental health services and laws similarly to Mental Health Reform the national coalition on mental health    #mentalhealth

There are plenty of groups and bloggers  Walk in my shoes - The statistics around mental illness in Ireland are stark, and large numbers of vulnerable people need your support TODAY!

GROW is a Mental Health Organisation which helps people who have suffered, or are suffering, from mental health problems

Irishadvocacynetwork   

www.childrensmentalhealth.ie Our vision is that Ireland should be one of the best places in the world to be a child, where every child’s right to mental health is realised 

Blogger - SunnyScattered #Galway based award winning #mentalhealth blogger 

These are just a few share this post  and lets continue making waves until the tide turns .. 

Break the chains and help reform our health system and services

 

Mental Health awareness - Be Amazing EVERYDAY with Mindsport.co.uk How to train for mental toughness..

To be Amazed and learn core #MentalStrengh By Clicking www.mindsport.co.uk

Be Amazing EVERYDAY with Mindsport.co.uk

For me life is about achieving something in the time we have, now that for some might be to get a good job, get an education, start a family or buy a house, whilst for others it may be to learn to read, write or speak, others may want to win a world title or aspire to be rich and famous. Whatever the aim it is important to be able to do whatever you can to achieve this. That is what #MentalStrength is. The ability to put effort into achieving something no matter how tough it may seem, no matter how anxious, apprehensive or scared you may be. Showing faith, having confidence, remaining resilient and achieving whatever you set your mind to.

Along this journey to achieving whatever we deem as worthy of effort there are numerous things that can get on our way, obstacles, stressors, anxieties, fears, problems to overcome and with the right application of #MentalStrength you can overcome anything to achieve your target.

For Mindsport.co.uk #MentalStrength is achieved through 8 stages.

Stages which require attention and thought, devotion and discipline, but ultimately the reward is fulfillment in whatever you set your mind to.

A journey must start with a goal, a target, or an aspiration. #GoalSetting is one of the most underutilized aspects of #MetalStrength training in the world.

With the correct application of mental, physical, technical or tactical elements goals can help tackle anxiety, fear, self-esteem/confidence and assist in motivation and help make a journey enjoyable. Mindsport.co.uk offers goal programmes based around #Anxiety #SelfConfidence #Fear #Discipline #DecisionMaking #AttentionAndConcentration and #ArousalRegulation With a well-planned programmed of goals you are able to have clear objectives, defined personal involvement and a measurable path to success. These things are essential when combating fear, anxiety or stress and refining discipline, confidence and attention.

 www.mindsport.co.uk - 8 STAGES

In order to maintain any target or goal programme and actually achieve something with your life you must not only know what motivates you (why you are actually attempting a task) but be able to remain motivated and actively seek out ways to harness these motivations in whatever your target may be, whether it be reduce nerves, treat anxiety or conquer fear or low self-confidence.

Mindsport.co.uk works with groups or individuals to help them identify intrinsic or extrinsic motivations and learn how to engineer opportunities each day to actively utilize these motivations helping to avoid distraction, maintain focus and provide a more consistent thought pattern and hence behave towards achieving something in life.

Self-belief is a massive part of success in any field be it sport or work or social life. If you lack belief in yourself then anxiety flourishes, fear thrives and confidence dies. Mindsport.co.uk helps people develop self esteem using a variety of techniques, #RecogniseAndReorganise involves a process of #CognitiveRestructuring by teaching individuals how their brain identifies information, processes it and then creates a behavioral output, once you understand the how and the why it is much easier to see how you can make small cognitive adjustments to effect massive changes in the way you think and hence feel and behave. 

#KatoptrisSharpening is a process of seeing yourself in the best possible light, using #visualisation  and #self-talk techniques Mindsport.co.uk help clients to build their esteem in a similar way that Helen of Troy used her dagger (named Katoptris) to remain beautiful yet clinical in pursuit of their task. Mindsport.co.uk uses a technique called #MetronomicChunking which breaks down potential stressors into chunks which are then fashioned more positively in to bite sized confidence building components which enable the client to build a much more positive picture of a ‘normally’ not-so positive scenario.

Staying on the topic of #SelfConfidence - Mindsport.co.uk understands that without confidence in one’s ability individuals may well allow anxiety or fear or apprehension to see obstacles as threats rather than challenges, and as such avoid taking risks or chances that could mean the difference between goal success and failure. 

When you have low #self-confidence you are more likely to take failure as personal and lack the correct support to help you along your journey. Mindsport.co.uk use techniques such as #CognitiveBehaviouralManagement techniques, using positive images in videos o train the sensory areas of the brain to fixate upon positive thoughts as opposed to negative, thus allowing the individual to seek out opportunities rather than allowing fear or anxiety to control their moods or decisions. 

#MnemonicBlueprinting is a process of planning future thoughts using new positive feelings to influence potential behaviors, it helps people see opportunities over threats and reduces anxiety  or fear at their core.

#PhalanxFormation helps people build an effective and positive network of support around them which is invaluable in achieving anything in life, whilst we are born alone and ultimately die alone, the journey between those points requires the emotional, tangible, physical and technical support of those we surround ourselves with.

If #fear, #apprehension or #anxiety is directly affecting the successful completion or a task or goal then Mindsport.co.uk offer a range of techniques to help deal with fears, excessive nerves, performance anxiety, worries around expectations, performance, environmental or personal issues. 

#Acclimitisation is a process which involves mentally setting yourself in a stressful situation and gradually making it more and more real and controllable until you eventually are fulfilling the task with minimal stress or anxiety.

#SearchAndDestroy is a system which teaches people how to regulate their physiological and psychological arousal levels through processes of #ControlledBreathing #MuscularRelaxation #Visualisation #SelfTalk and physiological cues, this is useful when people require complete emotional control in order to complete a task or achieve a goal.

 #PschosomaticPerformanceAlignments is a technique which involves steadily building up control of mental and physical sensations to a crescendo where the individual feels in complete control and similarly the #5FingerPunch and #AlarmProgramming techniques seek to give the individual ways of managing fear or anxiety by both a process of exposure, acceptance and finally control. Anxiety or fear often has a detrimental impact on performance through attention control and video exercises are used to help train the sensory regions of the brain to respond effectively when under stress or experiencing fear or anxiety.

#DecisionMaking is often one of the biggest areas to suffer when feelings of #SelfDoubt #Fear or #Anxiety affect someone’s performance or goal attainment and Mindsport.co.uk look to address indecisiveness, choking under pressure and panic by using techniques such as#JudgeJuryAndExecutioner which focuses on examples that cause stress and tailoring thought patterns using convergent or divergent thought patterns to reach a quick and effective response to a stimuli. 

In addition exposure techniques such as #BurnTheBoats work well to force individuals to discover hidden strength by exposing themselves to novel situations which can be attributed to the root causes of fears or anxieties. 

Finally Mindsport.co.uk recognizes that it is essential to maintain #motivation through to the end of a process and by focusing on the #Greatness programme #anxiety or #fear can be rationalized and dispelled to ensure success is achieved. Then negative thinking challenged when evaluating success using an evaluative process to conclude and begin with building the next challenge or goal.

If you have any questions or would like to discuss any form of performance improvement which could help you be amazing everyday then contact Mindsport.co.uk the following ways:

Twitter: @Mindsport_Ltd

Facebook: Facebook.com/Mindsport.Consulting

Web: Mindsport.co.uk

Email: Mindsportconsulting@hotmail.co.uk

Our battle of now, in the moments of emotion.

In the now of living, moments are in key to us emotionally. 

Remember " Encourage yourself "  

When dealing with a emotionally charged moment.

"Feel it" and acknowledge the emotions surging through you.

Allow yourself to scream, shout and let it all out.
In doing so this moment has now passed.

Don't suppress your emotional moment by self treating yourself by using alcohol, drugs,self harm, 

This can easily, take you away to your darkest thoughts.
So please talk, reach out remember this is only a moment.
Don't make it a life ending one .

 

In the moment

I was reading our local paper and I thought, I would share this quote about  in the moment from
Leon Anderson who is calling on safety nets to be placed on the three main bridges across the River Shannon, in a bid to tackle the rising issues with suicide in the city.

“I understand that if people want to commit suicide they’re going to do it, that’s the unfortunate situation, but there are people who don’t want to do it and it’s a spur of the moment thought,” said Leon, “they might have had one too many drinks or a little argument with someone at home and it’s a cry for help.” 

Full article from www.limerickleader.ie - Limerick-man-s-campaign-for-bridge-safety-nets-gains-momentum 

If affected in any way reach out. click on the links,

In the past, bring forward only happiness. 
In the Now, be everything you can be for you.